Happy Sunday Fam!! Today I wanted to discuss the decision of whether to be alone or to be in a relationship. While I know this probably differs to an extent for EVERYONE, I think there are important mutual factors that all of us can consider when making these important decisions for our lives. I want to discuss the advantages of being alone and being able to be selfish before you dive into another relationship, but I also want to discuss the consideration, selflessness and overall level of self-worth you have to encompass to take these next steps from being single to having someone as your partner. I encourage you to be open minded reading this, and if you feel like you already know what is best for yourself, but it just hasn’t yielded the best results, keep reading. I am not here to preach or to tell you how to live your life, but I am here to hopefully make you think a little and possibly help open your mind to even changing your perspective on a few things. First, I want to connect with you guys on if you have ever really been alone and the advantages that can come from this alone time.
When you think of alone time, do you enjoy it, or do you anxiously wait until the next time you are dating again? I think that we are sent several opportunities in our lives to be alone, but a lot of us avoid these because we fear it. While some of us need alone time to be able to get enough battery to fill our energy levels back up and even be social, being alone can also be scary to those of us who have been in a relationship the majority of our lives. A lot of us spend years with somebody out of pure comfort of having them around, and not because we actually feel compatible with this individual. At the end of the day, sometimes you have to ask yourself if you are avoiding having to face yourself and that’s why you keep yourself in relationships, even if they are unfulfilling. I am curious how many of you have ever spent enough time with yourself that you get sick of your OWN behavior. As a traveling sales rep over the last 6.5 years, and with an extremely large territory at that, I have had more than enough time to be alone with myself on the road. Now obviously when I say this, I am referring to humans, because Copper is the best road warrior, and I never am ultimately alone. However, traveling alone as the only one who can speak and spending 10 plus hours on the road at a time can give you a lot of time to be alone with your thoughts. It’s funny how day 1 on a road trip you can think about a situation and be feeling pretty sorry for yourself, and then by day 6 you are sick of your own excuses and starting to understand the other person’s perspective more and more. Now it can be hard to really get to know yourself as a human when you are constantly putting yourself in situations where you have to put someone else first or at least consider someone else. When you get the chance to be fully alone with yourself, do not take it for granted but really embrace what comes with being alone.
While experiencing this alone time, it is good to check in with yourself in terms of how full your cup is. Now this can be when you are single, or in a relationship, but it is important to make sure you are keeping a full cup and doing everything in your power to feel valued and a good level of self-worth. Do you feel valued in your career or is there room to grow there? If there is room to grow, can you do this while being in a relationship or is this something you should focus on while you are single and have more time to be selfish? These are all good things to think about while we have this alone time to take advantage of, instead of catching ourselves asking these questions while we are going through it. Do you have your own place at the end of the day and take care of yourself, or is someone else taking care of you? I think a lot of people make the mistake of getting into relationships when they are not in a place to take care of themselves, and this can be really unfair if you choose to be with someone that does take care of themselves at the end of the day. A relationship is a lot easier when it can start on more equal playing fields and you both have similar qualities and values to bring to the table. Now if you find yourself with a good career, a good home, but you still aren’t willing to do the work to work on your mental health and deal with any possible trauma you grew up with, you may want to continue being alone until you are ready to do the work. Being alone and going through the motions of life is one thing but doing the work to really call yourself out and make the changes to be better, that is a whole other. Spending enough time to get to know yourself alone will only help you when making the choice of who to spend the rest of your life with.
When making the decision to commit to a relationship instead of being alone, you really have to be willing to put your selfishness to the back burner. Spending your life with another person isn’t about you anymore, but it is about considering yourself and somebody else. You have to ask yourself the important questions like “am I ready to be a teammate, and to have a teammate?” Sometimes that means keeping a good attitude when your teammate is having a bad day, so that eventually they can see the sunshine. You also have to ask yourself if you are ready to have an accountability partner. This isn’t only having someone that you can call out and hold accountable to be better, but someone that will also hold you accountable with the things that make you better. Love should be done with the goal of it being unconditional. I do not believe that romantic love should be unconditional from the jump, but you should be willing to work toward a love that is unconditional with your partner. It is learning how to be less selfish and more selfless when dealing with the person you are in a relationship with. So many of us spend way too much time being defensive, and not enough time being empathetic and considerate. We are all human at the end of the day, and no two people are going to be perfect together; but I think it is important how you choose to get through the imperfect times together. Are you in a place in your life where you can set your pride to the side and choose resolution? Do you want to compete and combat, or do you want to communicate even when you contrast? There is always a higher road to choose when in a relationship.
Whatever choice you make, whether it be to meet someone and embark on that journey or whether it be to further meet yourself and choose to be alone; you are the only person who can make that choice. Both choices are hard as they both have so many advantages and challenges at the end of the day. I do think the easier choice is choosing to be alone. Let’s face it, we can all be slightly narcissistic and agree that it is easier to get sick of your partner quicker than it is to get sick of yourself. This is an individual you have spent far less time with than yourself, so we can all give ourselves a little grace when it comes to navigating the challenges of getting used to how another human fully lives. It can be tough to make sure both of your needs are still being met as individuals, but also as a couple within the relationship. While it may be slightly harder being in a relationship, I also believe it can be far more rewarding. If you have gotten yourself to a point in your life alone where you have done the work, it can be a lot easier to try and navigate life with a soulmate and best friend. With whatever choice you decide, and whether it is dealing with yourself or dealing with a possible individual you could spend the rest of your life with, make sure to choose compassion. We can always be kinder to ourselves and kinder to others we spend the most time with. Love is a choice, but it is the most rewarding feeling there is in my opinion if you can keep choosing to love yourself and then let that self-love turn into an opportunity to love your soulmate. There is no better feeling than having your own and someone else’s full and unconditional support and safety in life, and I wish you all the peace and safety to love alone and to love someone else.
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