Happy Monday Canna Fam!! As most of you know I have been traveling back to the West Coast from Oklahoma and needed to get settled before I could put my thoughts together for you guys. Now when I saw this topic get the most votes, I was extremely excited. I have always prided myself on my ability to be blunt with people, of course with the exception of having less tact than planned a few times. However, I will always be one to encourage being blunt over sugarcoating something. For me, I kind of see sugarcoating as the same thing as a white lie. We typically do it to avoid hurting or disappointing the other party, or possibly out of fear, but then are we being genuine in those moments? Or are you better off telling the full truth, even if it hurts? Instead of really deciding on which method of the two is better, I would rather focus on the different ways of accomplishing both being blunt and sugarcoating in the best ways.
Now when it comes to bluntness, I think there are a fair amount of people who tend to associate being blunt with being rude. Therefore, I want to focus on how to be effective when being blunt and making sure we are not just being an asshole for no reason. I believe when one is blunt, they are trying to accomplish a certain level of directness with the person they are communicating with. For example, let’s say a person of the opposite sex that you are not at all interested in or attracted to walks into the room and starts flirting with you. You smile but act uninterested, and they come in for the kill again with more flirtatious energy. At this point, what is your next move? A person that is being blunt should be able to let that person know that they are uninterested, but that they hope that this person has a great night and finds whatever they are looking for. It does not mean that they need to do this with aggression, or with any hostility whatsoever, but they will be honest with the person about their feelings. Now the alternative way to be blunt and taking it too far may be adding an insult to this person’s character or looks while you are letting them know you are uninterested. This is where being blunt can go from an effective way to let someone know exactly how you are feeling, to just being a straight up jerk for no reason.
Now on the other hand we have sugarcoating, which people are more commonly going to associate with being kinder, however possibly more dishonest. Let’s consider the same scenario when sugarcoating v. being blunt with somebody. You are in a public place and someone you are extremely uninterested in starts flirting with you. You try to laugh, but maybe don’t respond with words in hopes they go away. Then you proceed to think about what you could possibly make up to let this person down, but God forbid you tell them the truth that you just are not interested, so you must make sure it is something believable. You settle with telling them that you are so sorry, but you have a significant other and just cannot engage in the conversation. Isn’t it something that we as humans fear hurting other people’s feelings so much that we will make something up, and then apologize for it? Like why should we ever apologize about this made-up boyfriend in the first place, but also why would you apologize period for the fact that you just don’t happen to be attracted or into that person? Life is so funny, and we put so much pressure on ourselves to please, that we forget to be honest with ourselves and others in the process.
Now that we have kind of looked at these communication forms from how they can be viewed, I would like to go a little deeper on which each accomplishes. When do you find yourself using blunt communication the most? For me, I will almost always be blunt, even if that means someone will be upset with me for it. I have growers who ask me their opinion on their flower all the time, and as a heavy stoner and sales rep for fertilizer, it would be wrong of me to sugarcoat how I felt about it. On the other hand, I know people who are almost incapable of this level of honesty, and they would feel bad for saying how they truly feel. It is interesting to me that humans have such different ways of what feels safe or good to them when communicating. I guess at the end of the day, if being blunt doesn’t sit well with you, then do things how YOU want to do them. I think it is important that no matter how we choose to communicate ourselves, that we do our best not to project on others how they should choose to communicate with us. Sometimes this is as easy as just keeping like-minded people around you, or maybe just being open to others sharing different views on how to communicate most effectively. If you are not used to dealing with someone who is blunt, my best advice would be to understand that someone else’s honesty is not a personal attack on you.
When I think about those who can accomplish sugarcoating effectively, a part of me envies them. Sometimes I wish I could tell people what they want to hear or find a way to express myself more gently without the passion, or sometimes lack of passion, I have behind my opinion. I believe sugarcoating can be extremely effective when it comes to not rocking the boat and not hurting people’s feelings. It is definitely a more accepted form of effective communication. However, when I engage, I feel as if I am being fake or speaking for the sake of someone else’s reaction only. I do not feel genuine to how I necessarily feel about something, but that I am taking the realness out of how I feel, and then giving this version that someone wants to hear. It can also be hard to please a “sugarcoater” with blunt communication. I think it will always be received as a personal attack first, and then after time it may be received a little differently. This is something I am very interested in learning further though. How do you best communicate with someone on the opposite spectrum of you? How do you let someone be themselves, but not get your feelings hurt when they do not approach you the way that you would necessarily approach them? These are things we should try and be aware of when trying to have positive communication.
I just want to end on the fact that no matter what form of communication you prefer, we can all coexist together. I think we just have to be okay with not always being content with what people say to us. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and someone else’s opinion of you in no way determines your value. Whether you choose to be blunt or sugarcoat things, I just suggest kindness as the base of it. We can accomplish a lot in a conversation by coming from the right place, whether you are being more direct or are a people pleaser. At the end of the day, we are all human and we can all do better and learn from our ongoing interactions. If I can give any advice, it would be to check with yourself on what kind of communicator you are, and make sure you are being true to yourself at the end of the day.
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