Happy Wednesday Canna Fam!! I am so sorry for the delay in getting this written. I was on the road from the 21st of January through to February 6th traveling from Oregon to California, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, and settling in Oklahoma for the rest of February. With showing up right before an epic winter storm, I just was not in the mood to write. Most people would probably think being cooped up in the house helps to write, but for me I like to go experience things and live life a little so I can think about my interactions with people that I have either experienced myself personally, or the ones that I have witnessed and learned from and then possibly apply that to my writings. Last month, I posted a story on my Instagram polling my followers on what they wanted to read about next, and “A Healthy Way to Handle Confrontation” was the topic that was chosen. I think we all are very familiar with confrontation, and what it feels like. It is something most of us generally try to avoid in our day to day, as it can cause a lot of stress and anxiety, but this is not always the healthiest approach. What I want to talk about specifically is the healthy ways to handle confrontation, as I am sure most of us are well aware of how to deal with it in an unhealthy way. I think we also all forget the positives that can come out of conflict, especially if we are able to remain present and calm enough to take those opportunities as they come. I hope with this blog to motivate you to be less reactive (one of my weakest points), and instead try listening to others and seeing a different perspective.
I think the best thing that I take from confrontation almost every time I experience it is how much I learn about myself. You can think you know everything about yourself, until you are put into a tough situation where you are now dealing with conflict and may react in ways you did not plan too. Lately I think I have learned that I contribute the most to confrontation by not being aware of my tone at times. I think there are a lot of times that things have escalated due to my tone, when if I had been a little more self aware, I probably could have avoided those escalations. This is especially the case when it comes to my family members. For those of you that have mastered “the pause” that I hear about, I applaud you. My goal is to be able to pause anytime there is confrontation, and not react, but just process what is going on and if it needs a response. If you cannot pause, maybe just walk away fully and come back when you have taken a moment, or walk away and smoke first. A lot of us love to talk, and unfortunately talking can get us in to trouble sometimes, when we probably just need to sit back and do more listening. We also need to recognize when we are the ones causing confrontation vs. when we are the one’s receiving confrontation. I truly believe some people see it as a way to motivate others, and I tend to see this a lot in those that have received tough love in their life. I am one of these people, and confrontation can come from trying to challenge people you care about. How do we do this though and keep it positive and light, rather than pushing our values and hopes for someone else so intensely that we cause friction?
On the other hand, there are moments in our life where we will be more at peace and be taken off guard when met with confrontation. Life throws curveballs all of the time, and we constantly have to decide how we are going to handle these and move forward. It is interesting when looking at confrontation, because it typically involves two or more people, and while it can involve two very similar people, it will most likely involve people who are more different or at least share differing views. Now tell me how fun it would be if we all just agreed about everything all the time and nobody ever had the courage to try and change things. I am pretty sure it would get pretty damn boring. Confrontation can be good!! Yes, it can get annoying to be confronted all the time by someone who does not have the brains to do the confronting though. I highly suggest to those who are going to take someone’s time with conflict, at least know the facts and be ready for what you are starting. However, we can all probably laugh a little more, and take some things a little less serious sometimes as well. I have learned if I am not walking away with at least something positive from the confrontation I experience, I know that either I need to work on myself more, or maybe that is a person that I should not be engaging with in the future.
I would say overall, as humans we are extremely guilty of making assumptions often. I believe that because of this, we assume that a lot of times communication will turn into confrontation. However, I think because we fear conflict, this results in a lack of communication altogether. This is an ugly spiral we can get ourselves in. I advise if you can, to take a positive approach to communication for this reason, even if you think it may lead to confrontation. This can probably a lot of times avoid the conversation going in a negative direction. Sometimes as humans we beat around the bush and lack clarity in the things we want, and by being more direct but also kind, we can get a lot accomplished through effective communication. On this note, I definitely do not recommend trying to assume someone’s intent when it is through a text message. Text messages are extremely hard to read and talking to someone in person is always a better way to have effective communication or healthy confrontation. I know that no matter what confrontation will continue to be something I learn from and continue to grow on; and my hope for you guys is that your experiences with confrontation result in more positives than negatives, because that choice is ultimately up to us.
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